I recently re-encountered a passage of scripture that has long interested me. This time, however, instead of just treating it as a destination, I began to see it as a door to a more comprehensive understanding, at least for me. The passage is Matthew 19:3-8.
Instead of seeing this as no more than a treatise on marriage, I began to see it as a glimpse into how God deals with human resistance to His will and rejection of His word.
Many still envision God a petulant being that fumes over the daily sins of men, and waits, ready to punish every misguided act. However, here God is willing to set aside a matter that is part of His eternal will for mankind, the permanence of marriage. When it was clear that men would not honor God’s construct, He gave them an easement to keep their offense from ending their fellowship. This was not the only variation given to Israel; the entire system of sacrifice was a way for God to stay connected with man despite his sinfulness. Eventually, that system no longer served God’s purpose, as Hebrews 8:7-8 demonstrates. God tired of making exceptions to the law and replaced it, using the body and blood of His Son. All this was done to accommodate the hardness of man’s heart.
Regarding the Greek word translated ‘hardness of heart’, it appears only three times in the New Testament. The first two occurrences, in Matthew 19 and Mark 10, refer to the origin of Jewish divorce law. The third occurrence, Mark 16:14, refers to something else altogether.
This different application retains a common thread with the divorce references: man’s refusal to accept and comply with the faithful witness they have received about God. It is one thing for a man to no longer want his wife. But to understand that what causes a man to abandon a spouse is similar to what would make him reject the Resurrection moves me to broaden my understanding of how hard heartedness manifests, and to call it out as such, even when some would call it something else, especially when I see the ties between hardness of heart and unbelief.
Consider the man whose desire to see his son delivered stood at odds with having found no help for him in Mark 9:20-24.
The man’s condition is not often discussed as hardness of heart. However, once he admits to unbelief, it is in play. Hardness of heart is a defense mechanism; a man shields himself from emotional and spiritual pain by closing himself off from what hurts. That does explain, perhaps more than some may admit, why people turn off on their marriages; something, which may or may not be caused by their spouse, has become so hurtful that a person shuts down to prevent further pain. Unbelief is also involved, as the person may choose to no longer believe their spouse loves or cares for them.
The man’s case was no different. The normal, even rational, thing to do, about something that destroys peace is to close one’s heart to it, or risk being overcome. In this man’s case, he was well down the path of accepting that his son was beyond help; his heart was hardening against the prospect that relief was possible. However, this was his son; when he heard that there might yet be hope, he sought out Jesus.
The man’s unbelief was the fear to hope; he had been disappointed before. To watch as an intruder into his child’s being tore him, sought to burn and drown him, caused him to foam at the mouth, and to see every effort he made to help his son fails was devastating. To keep his heart at all, it is not surprising that something inside had to shut down so he might continue to function. He was not seeking to disobey God; he had put himself in survival mode.
People believe there is a set amount of disappointment they can take. As they approach that limit, just as people fill and place sand bags to combat a coming flood, they will also harden their hearts to combat the coming disappointment. However, hardened hearts, no matter the reason they become so, are not open to God’s possibilities, which is why, He answereth him, and saith, O faithless generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him unto me. (Mark 9:19 KJV)
So, are you bringing your unresolved matters to Christ? Or have you become so fearful of more discouragement and disappointment that your heart has hardened, for protection’s sake, and you are content to keep your situation from Him, in case Jesus can or will do nothing about it? Remember, all things are possible to him that believeth.
Of course this does not mean that there is not outright sinful rebellion behind the hardness of heart of some people. Consider Jeremiah 5:3-4 and Isaiah 1:4-6. Regarding those passages, those of us with a Southern upbringing might say, “Some folk just think fat meat ain’t greasy.” Hardness of heart comes upon those who decide God’s way deserves neither their time nor effort, and make up their minds that they WILL NOT obey God, no matter what God does to them. It is scary to meet someone who would rather go to Hell than do what God requires: maybe they will not forgive a repentant transgressor; perhaps they will not abandon an immoral or illegal livelihood; maybe they have a family or cultural tradition they consider more precious than God or His word. That was Paul’s problem (Acts 9:1-5)
Aside from approving Stephen’s death (Acts 7), there are few mentions of outright pricks that Paul resisted, or kicked against. In my mind’s eye, I can see Saul of Tarsus, being persuaded by Stephen’s testimony before the Jews, right up until Stephen called them all “stiffnecked and uncircumcised in heart and ears.” After that, Saul had no problem consenting to Stephen’s death (Acts 7:58). However, after Saul of Tarsus became the apostle Paul, he would write of the mercy that accompanied his conversion (1 Timothy 1:12-16).
I know of two things God will do: First, He will do whatever He must to crack the shell of a hardened heart – do you need to see an “impossible” prayer answered? A front row seat will be available. Do you need to have your earthly possessions removed because you believe you trust more in them than in Him, or believe you accumulate them without His aid? Prepare to apply for unemployment and food stamps. Do you need to be struck blind so that you can finally see Him and commune with Him as He desires? There is yet a road from Jerusalem to Damascus; He is able to either put you on it or bring it to you.
The second thing God is willing to do is never let one whose heart is softened, or even broken, for Him, live a day without the knowledge of his mercy:
2 Peter 3:9 KJV The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
The one who denied Christ three times while Jesus was on trial has a testimony. He, who happily saw Stephen martyred, and even more happily made martyrs of other saints, before he became one himself, has a testimony. Martha and Mary, who had given up hope regarding their brother Lazarus who was three days in his tomb before Jesus arrived, have a testimony.
Each of these overcame hardness of heart, whether caused by the tearing pain of failure and cowardice, the sin of rejecting God’s testimony of Himself in favor of his own testimony about God, or by the response to personal loss.
The hardened heart has chosen to disbelieve that something God said is true. Of course, that is not a good place to be. For it to change, there must first be recognition. But those with hard hearts often don’t recognize what they have done, or the condition in which they reside. In other words, they can’t see it, nor will they often let others describe it to them. However, God is able to hold a mirror before one’s face, one from which they cannot turn away. In it lies the diagnosis and cure for your hardness of heart.
God Bless You All
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